Recompense

She made it as far as the top of the stairs before the tears started.

No. Absolutely not.

She paused long enough to grit her teeth and wipe her mutinous eyes. The warmth in her cheeks and the lump solidifying in her throat quickly asserted the reality that there’d be no damming the flow indefinitely. So she resigned herself to her fate with the grim fatalism of a bound man presented with the gallows.

She rushed into Arveen’s room, grateful for the younger woman’s absence as she shut and locked the door. She dropped the arm unceremoniously on the bed she’d only vacated a few short minutes earlier and then crumpled beside it, curling into a ball as the tears came and the sobs wracked her shoulders. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the exquisitely shaped and crafted lump of metal, but she felt its presence gently pressing at the small of her back as her body shook with the sobs that she ensured remained silent.

The tumultuous, painful past rose inside her like a venomous creature preparing to strike. She saw flashes of her home back on the island of Gundarlun, far off in the Trackless Sea. Her mother’s face swam before her mind’s eye, perpetually dominated by worry lines, and her lips ever-pressed together so severely that they threatened to disappear altogether. 

Her memory of her mother spoke, unerringly mimicking the weariness so often framing every syllable she’d uttered in life:

“There’s no point shedding tears in this world, little Kat. No one besides your family cares enough to do anything to help wipe them away.”

Choking and shuddering, Kaelyn managed to stem the flow of tears after a few moments and with immense effort. One thing she’d always prided herself on was the strength of her will. She sat up slowly and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. Then, deciding she could put it off no longer, she rotated her head slightly and looked fully at the mechanical arm sitting forlornly next to her on the bed. 

There it sat, a gleaming, glittering jewel of dark, burnished metal with swirls and streaks of lighter gray all through it. Kaelyn recognized the metallic ore Noa had gathered from the falling meteorite on the day of Hélian’s arrival, and she was amazed he’d been able to gather enough of it to smelt into sufficient quantities to form the arm. She traced her fingertip along the compartment where Noa hid the small crossbow, noting that the metal felt warm to her touch. A soft purple glow suffused the arm when she touched it, as if beckoning her.

Come. Join me. Let us see what we can accomplish together.

Slowly, she undid the straps holding the old arm in place on her raw, chafed shoulder. She set the outdated tool on the floor and gingerly rubbed the raw spot where it had been sitting. Usually, she’d grit her teeth and power through the discomfort, but this time, she wanted to be whole when she tried on her new arm. She whispered “Aláth” under her breath and felt the familiar soothing warmth spread through her shoulder immediately. She sighed and rotated her shoulder socket several times, savoring the feeling. Then she glanced down at the new arm again and pursed her lips. 

Guess it’s time to stop putting this off.

She lifted her new tool, reveling in its lightness in her hand. Then, she raised it to her shoulder to affix it. When she did, the soft purple glow intensified, and she could feel it reaching out to join her shoulder.

I see that Noa’s skills have improved a little, especially concerning magical infusions. 

She held the arm in place and looked for the straps to fasten but frowned when she realized no such straps were in evidence. Before she’d had time to consider this further, however, she felt the arm swell and attach itself seamlessly to her shoulder. It felt as natural as her right arm did, completely comfortable and perfectly measured. Her eyes widened.

Oh. So…improved by more than a little, then.

She remembered the process of getting used to the previous arm being fraught with frustration and tiny victories. It had taken her weeks to move it and months before she could wield the crossbow with any tactical precision. She wondered if the process would be as difficult this time, now that she was more comfortable harnessing her will to tap into the telekinetic abilities with which Noa imbued his creations. If she wanted to be helpful with the new arm in combat, she needed to -

She gasped as her head snapped back, and images and sounds swirled in her vision. She was flying. No, falling. Plummeting. Her stomach lurched in her throat even as she could feel her behind still pressing against the thin mattress beneath her. 

She blinked once. Twice. On the third blink, her eyes took in a completely different vista than the one she’d observed only a moment before. 

She looked around herself in shock. Two pairs of ragged bunk beds surrounded her, and bare walls missing pieces of plaster enclosed them into a tiny, horribly familiar room.

How? How is this possible?

“Kaelyn, the sun is already up. Why aren’t you? The floor isn’t going to mop itself!”

Kaelyn jumped and peered around at the wall her mother’s muffled voice had just passed through. 

“Coming, mother,” she heard herself answer.

Kaelyn’s head swiveled instantly to stare at the bottom bunk beside her. Laying under the blanket and stirring grumpily, she saw her younger self there. 

Oh gods.

  Transfixed by the decidedly unreal sight of watching her younger self rise from the bed, Kaelyn realized what would happen just before it did. Her younger self stepped out of the bed and right through her current field of vision. She felt the slightest tingling warmth as her twenty-year-old body passed through her. 

Well. Not a ghost, at least.

Fascinated and more than a little horrified, Kaelyn watched raptly as her younger self took off her sleep clothes and dressed quickly, with the carefree rapidity of a very young, beautiful person who takes their youth for granted. As her younger self moved through the rest of the house - Kaelyn had forgotten just how small and sad it was - with a mop in her hands, Kaelyn found her present self fixated on her younger left arm. She wanted to scream at herself.

Cherish it! Treat it well! For the sake of all you love, do not go into that cave!

But all she was capable of was helpless observation. Once she finished the mopping, she made breakfast for her siblings - the three who still lived at home, at least - and washed all the dishes. The morning chores finished, younger Kaelyn stepped out into the dazzling sun, and older Kaelyn followed ruefully.

The sleepy little city of Gundbarg spread out before her in one depressing, smoke-filled, noisy vision. Kaelyn had no physical form she could perceive at present, but she mentally crossed her arms in front of her chest and hugged herself tightly. She followed her younger self as she set off on a well-worn path to market. This would be her daily routine at this time, she remembered: finish chores, go to the market and look for work that never seemed to materialize, swat away leering fishmongers flinging drunken proposals at her, find some trouble to get into. Rinse, repeat.

Gods, I hate this place.

She hadn’t been home in almost six years, not since she’d received word that her mother had followed her father into the grave. She was certain it still looked much the same as it did in her memory - the place never seemed to change much.

The docks dominated the cityscape, and almost all of daily life outside one’s home seemed to center around them in one way or another. Kaelyn recalled her first few stops in other port cities and the comforting familiarity of realizing they were all much the same as this one. In a way, she never really felt like she was docking away from home, no matter how strange the port might be otherwise. It always had some quality of home to her.

Her younger self - distracted by a lecherous old dockhand groping at her - ran smack into the back of a massive Drow Half-Elf as if on cue. Kaelyn felt a cold shiver pass down her spine as her younger self stammered an apology.

Agner Verynstyl turned slowly on the spot, a single eyebrow raised and a roguish grin spreading across his face as her younger self’s remonstrations became more and more feeble. As she mewled herself into silence, he finally opened his mouth to speak. 

“Why, ‘tis no trouble a’tall, my dear lass.”

Kaelyn felt a surge of loathing roiling in her guts at the sight of his traitorous face and the sound of his unctuous voice.

Agner cast an appraising eye up and down her younger self - Kaelyn felt a shiver of disgust as the memory came flooding back to her even as she watched it re-enacted - and grinned still the wider. 

“Say, you have a strong look about you. Capable. Fine clay to shape. What say you come with me to meet my captain? We might have a spot of gainful employment to throw your way.”

Even as she listened to her younger self agree tentatively, she wanted to shake herself and yell in her own face. Agner set off at once, leading her timidly in his wake. Kaelyn sighed and set off behind them, glancing around at her memory of Gundbarg.

The glittering sea dominated the vista no matter which direction she cast her gaze. She remembered so many of her fellow Gunds looking at it as a potential avenue of escape, but Kaelyn had never harbored such fantasies. Even in her youth, Kaelyn had recognized that with few exceptions, only the very rich or the very fortunate would ever be able to escape the confines of the island on the open sea. Being the second youngest of eight children in a family that could scarcely afford her even before birth, she knew that particular escape would never have been a realistic hope for herself. In that way, the sea itself was more her jailer than her liberator. Its tranquility and peace mocked her, oppressed her. 

As she followed Agner and herself across the harbor district, Kaelyn felt her eyes drawn to an intimately familiar sailing vessel docked nearby. Her practiced, experienced eyes cataloged issue after issue as her pitiless gaze raked it from hull to rigging.

Halyards just flapping around in the breeze, sheets are sloppy and insecure, the hull pitch is degraded nearly to the point of leakage, the rode is so frayed its a wonder the anchor hasn’t dropped off into the depths…if I were boatswain, I’d keelhaul the lot of them…

She let her eyes drift upwards, past the poorly maintained sails and sheets and the rigging and the masts, and felt a warm smile spread as she took in the beloved black flag and red crow she’d sworn her allegiance to all those years ago.

Good ol’ Crimson Crow. I can’t believe how shoddily they ran their ship before we came aboard and cleaned it up for them.

She hardly noticed that their procession had led them to the threshold of the Dragon Turtle Inn. By the time she realized where they were or who she was about to see, Agner was already performing the strange superstitious rite he and Noa always displayed when entering an establishment: he reached with his right hand across his body and touched the doorframe to his left, and then reached across his body with his left hand and touched the door frame on his right. Then he stepped across the threshold with a boisterous shout.

“Oy, you louts, how’s about a pair of flagons for yer first mate and his new recruit!”

Kaelyn felt her mouth tighten into a line as she followed her nervous younger self into the room. Inside, the wave of nostalgia hit her full force with such ferocity that she had to catch her breath. Her eyes slid across the faces, all gone now in one way or another, but beloved family to her just the same.

Kid Manis, oh my gods, you poor dear. And Sy Silvanith, the best elven lookout we ever had. Juicy Lucy, who taught me everything about physical pleasure that I’ve ever known. They’re all here…

She stopped before a pallid, stout half-orc, feeling tears well.

Jumresh the Impaler, my first boatswain. Taught me everything I know about a ship's proper maintenance and care. I never realized it before; they must have picked him up here, too, before I joined. No way did he arrive here on the Crimson Crow with it in that sorry state of disrepair. 

She studied the filed-down tusks and the jovial folds of his face as his eyes twinkled, and he raised a flagon of ale, toasting along with the rest.

I could live another thousand years and never be worthy of what he gave for me.

She knew she was putting off the moment when she had to look at him, but it was easy to fall into the trap of revisiting the memories of the beloved crew. She hadn’t thought of these people much since the Fey Wild. Most of her time dwelling on the past was focused on her rage for Agner and…

Noa.

There he was, sitting quietly with his back to the larger group. He seemed to be poring over charts at the bar and scribbling in his journal. The revelry behind him might as well be on another plane of existence. Kaelyn sidled up next to him, peering down at her earliest memory of him. He was focused and serious, as he always seemed to be back then. His brow furrowed, his lips mouthing words to himself as he wrote, his left index finger tracing a path on the charts before him. Kaelyn and her memory of Noa both gave a start as Agner cleared his throat behind them. 

“All work and no play makes for a dull captain indeed,” the first mate sneered. “Come, let me introduce you to Kaelyn. I believe she may be a perfect candidate to round out our new crew.”

With that, Agner clapped a hand on Noa’s shoulder and affixed him with a meaningful look before nodding over his shoulder at the young woman standing behind him. Kaelyn realized it was strange to stand aside and watch this familiar memory with older, wiser eyes. An unspoken communication passed between the two men. With age and wisdom, Kaelyn saw mischief and malevolence in Agner’s gaze. Noa, however, peered warily back at his first mate. There was something hesitant there, some unspoken doubt or discomfort that Kaelyn had never clocked before.

“Yes,” said the captain in his low, sorrowful tone, “Well, never let it be said that the Crimson Crow turns away potential assets. Pleased to meet you, Miss, I am Noathera Carrus.” 

Kaelyn saw herself, blushing and twirling a stray lock of black hair, taking his hand and shaking it meekly. Her older self groaned. She remembered well feeling leery and distrustful of the oily first mate, but she knew she’d been taken immediately with the handsome captain and was all the more embarrassed now, watching it secondhand. 

How was I ever this young?

As Kaelyn watched the exchange of pleasantries, the claustrophobia of the memory began to press in upon her. 

Please, no more of this, I…

As if on cue, the scene seemed to shimmer before her eyes. She looked around in alarm, but the shapes were already dissolving into dark gray smoke and re-forming. Momentarily, she found herself in the dimly lit cabin she shared with Lucy aboard the ship. Lucy was sprawled naked in her hammock, snoring softly, as younger Kaelyn stood nearby getting re-dressed with tousled hair and a soft smile. Kaelyn joined her younger self, smiling at the memory.

Good times.

The younger Kaelyn - now probably around 22, she reflected - finished re-dressing, smoothed down her hair, and padded through the door onto the deck. Kaelyn realized that she remembered this evening and what was going to happen. She turned and spotted Noa standing along the gunwale before her younger counterpart.

“Enjoying your evening?” he asked over his shoulder.

Briefly startled, the younger woman composed herself before joining him at the railing, leaning backward against it and trying to feign more confidence than her older self knew that she felt. 

“Oh, you know. Can’t complain, luuv.”

“Yes, I believe I mistakenly heard you not complaining when I passed by your door earlier.”

Even in the moon's dim light, Kaelyn saw her youthful face redden.

“I…well, we uh…you…” 

The younger woman stood up, ramrod straight, and spat with indignation.

“You have some nerve! Just because you have some antiquated ideas about crewmates mixing and relieving stress together doesn’t mean that I - ”

Noa, smiling, raised his hands in supplication as he stood from his leaning position against the gunwale. “At ease, mate. I meant not to cast aspersions. I am glad you have found your preferred mode of stress relief. I’m sorry I have not been able to fill that role for you. I do, however, have a proposition for a different form of stress relief that I think we may find mutually beneficial.”

Caught short by this, the younger Kaelyn spluttered herself into silence briefly before rallying.

“Very well,” she said with a heroic amount of dignity. “What do you propose?”

Noa smiled as the scene began to shimmer before Kaelyn’s eyes again.

No, wait, I wanted to see more of that one…

Kaelyn found herself on the ship's deck again, but this time around midday. The sun beat down from a cloudless blue sky, and the winds were fair and following. The sound of ringing steel filled her senses even as her mind tried to catch up to the circumstances surrounding her. The first person she saw was Beryn, and he was stumbling to get his swab bucket out of the way as she and Noa flew past, a whirl of steel and japes and a blur of clothing.

Poor, sweet Beryn. He deserved better, too.

“Best give up, old sod, I’ve got you licked this time,” she heard herself crow. Kaelyn glanced back over in time to see her younger self advancing on Noa, who was on his backside crab-walking away from her hurriedly and trying to rise to his feet again. Older Kaelyn winced, knowing what was coming. 

Watch out for the…

Noa’s hands glowed purple in a flash, and a pair of spectral daggers were flying. Younger Kaelyn moved like water, flicking her rapier to deflect the first and very nearly deflecting the second. However, she wasn’t quite quick enough to keep the second psychic dagger from leaving a nasty cut on her face. It provided barely a moment of space in the fight, but it was all Noa needed as he used his telekinetic abilities to force her sword arm down so that the blade of her rapier dug into the ship's deck. Then he was upon her, dagger to her throat as he panted in her face.

“Do…you yield?” His breath was ragged; he was clearly injured, but his gaze was equal parts mirth and steel. Her younger self stepped back a pace or two from him, touching her bloody cheek.

“You cut me,” she said slowly, staring at her fingers in wonder.

“Yes, well, sparring can be dangerous, after all. You’re just about beyond the realms of any martial abilities I am possessed of the requisite skills to teach.”

“Oy, you beh’uh no’ mess up tha’ preh’eh face, cap’n,” came Lucy’s voice from nearby. “She’s not gon’ be fetchin’ us no sui’able male company in port if’n you go scarrin’ ‘er up.” With that, Lucy descended upon Kaelyn and planted a playful kiss on the younger woman’s cheek. When Lucy pulled her lips away, Kaelyn’s cheek flushed but looked healed.

“Yes,” Noa said dryly, “and what a crime it would be to deprive the men and women of Athkatla of your abundant talents.”

Young Kaelyn, still touching her cheek, re-focused her eyes on Noa. “So it’s decided, then? We’re going to Athkatla?”

Noa hesitated briefly, glancing around at other crew members busying themselves nearby so as not to appear to be listening so obviously.

“Yes, Athkatla, it is. Agner has it on good authority that one of the white dragons in the Cloud Peaks has become too big an issue for the Council there to ignore, and there’s quite a significant bounty on its scaly, frozen head. Equal shares as always, of course, though it is bound to be more dangerous than our typical excursion. So we all need to be on top of our game.”

Kaelyn watched herself nod. “I understand. Thank you for helping me make sure I’m prepared. I won’t let you down.”

Noa smiled and patted her bracingly on the shoulder. 

“You never do, Kay Kay.”

Then he entered his cabin, closing the door behind him with a snap. 

“Iz’all well and good to spar on a ship,” came the grumpy voice of Jumresh, the boatswain. Unnoticed by her, he’d sidled up to the conversation and was leaning against the mast, whittling on the handle of his club. “But truust meh. Yeh don’ wanna be on the landing party for this next one, alrigh’? Dragons ain’t nuffink to muck about wiv.”

“You’re going, aren’t you?” Kaelyn shot back, stowing her rapier in its sheath. Jumresh grunted.

“Aye, I be goin’. And were I a smart feller, I’d not be. You wan’ be smart and pretty and alive, you stay here. Mark me words, not all of us be comin’ back from this dragon.”

Younger Kaelyn considered his words briefly as she adjusted the straps on her armor, peering out at the distant horizon. Then she turned to the older half-orc and winked roguishly.

“Consider them marked, Impaler. Guess I’ll really make a name for myself in the crew when I put that dragon’s dick in the dirt, eh?”

Kaelyn felt the tears running down her older cheeks even as the scene began to re-form in smoky swirls once more. This time, the scene never quite solidified…Kaelyn supposed the memory wasn’t as clear in her mind. There were screams, thuds, falling bodies, an enormous white shape roaring and screaming ice attacks…she felt a panic rise in her throat like bile, even though she understood by now that this was a memory and couldn’t hurt her. Something about revisiting this day…

She saw her body tumble into view, bloody and broken. She started to rise, terror etched in every line on her face, just as the dragon’s head entered her field of vision with terrifying speed and the jaws clamped down on her left arm. She heard herself screaming as the dragon jerked her bodily through the air. She saw the arm sever as her body went flying…

Suddenly, Jumresh the Impaler was there. He helped her to her feet, screaming in her face: 

“This is not where you die, m’lady! Run!”

Kaelyn saw herself run, stumbling and sliding in her blood as she sobbed in terror and pain. Then Noa was there, catching her just in time as she began to fall. The two of them looked back in time to see Jumresh, bloody, bruised, exhausted, run up the side of a large chunk of the cave ceiling that had fallen in. He roared as he leapt at the dragon, swinging his greatclub in a mighty arc:

“Come on, yeh fuckin’ beastie!”

The dragon, roaring and spinning to meet him, lunged with its jaws agape as the scene began to melt into swirling mist once more. 

Just as well. I know how that one ended.

Kaelyn’s tears fell freely. She could feel them even though she could see none of her present self. It was an oddly unreal sensation.

The smoke re-formed once more, this time around a scene once more back in her cabin. Lucy, looking uncharacteristically grim and red-eyed, stood hugging herself in the doorway next to Noa, who was peering into the room where Kaelyn’s younger self lay disconsolate on her hammock.

“I think I can manage from here, Lucy, if you don’t mind giving us a few moments.”

Nodding, on the verge of tears, Lucy stepped back through the doorway and disappeared. Noa, sighing heavily, pulled a small stool from the corner of the room and sat it next to the hammock, sitting heavily on it. Kaelyn, for her part, turned her tear-stained face away from him.

“So,” said the captain. “I hear you’re off meals now.”

Kaelyn made no move to respond or indicate that she’d even heard him.

“Kaelyn, what happened in that cave was not your fault. Surely, you must know that.”

Silence met these words. Then, quietly, Kaelyn heard her younger voice. It was muffled and thick with emotion.

“No. It’s yours, and it’s Agner’s.”

Kaelyn saw Noa bow his head. Tears ran down his nose, but his voice remained relatively steady.

“Yes. It is. I’m sorry.”

She rolled over to face him, a sudden tidal wave of fury. 

“Is this why we’re all here? We’re, what…battlefield fodder for you two? So you can stay safe and get richer while the talented and the gullible rush into the bloody jaws of death for you?”

“No, Kay Kay. I can’t speak for Agner’s motivations, but mine are…”

“To think,” she continued in tones bordering on hysteria, “I thought when he first brought me aboard that he was pimping me out to you. I really thought that’s what I was here for the first year I was on this ship, you believe that?”

It was Noa’s turn to sit in silence.

“But then, no no, nobody on the crew is good enough for Saint Carrus. So, what was my purpose in being here, then? You may as well tell me now that I’m a useless one-armed lump. Why did you two even want me here?”

Noa rose abruptly, wiping his tears.

“What I am about to say to you does not leave this room. Understood?”

Kaelyn could hear the disdain slathered over her voice as she responded.

“Oh aye aye, captain.”

Noa pursed his lips as he seemed to come to a decision. 

“Agner and I go back more than a decade to our childhood on the streets of Huzuz. I have always been the brains of the operation. The blade of the dagger, if you will. Agner has always been the jeweled hilt. Okay? We won this ship in a poker game. A poker game. We’re not sailors; we’re con artists. Pirates. Agner decided on the dichotomy on the ship. He’d be the affable and charismatic first mate because he has a way with people. I would be the ostensible captain because I have the skills and the brains to make plans. But my plans are really just vehicles to make his desires for riches a reality. He comes to me with the harebrained schemes, and it’s my job to make them work. That’s our dichotomy. And it mostly works, mind you. But he has so little regard for the people around himself who might get hurt, which is not an affliction I share. I had reservations about this operation going in, but I didn’t listen to them. I wasn’t a captain, I was a subordinate, and that needs to stop. I need to do better. I swear to you, Kay Kay, I will do better. I’m going to make this up to you, and I’m going to start right now.”

With that, he turned on his heel and strode from the cabin.

The scene swirled into smoke once more, and Kaelyn felt her head spinning. Each subsequent stop was coming faster and faster.

When will this end?

The following few scenes came in a whirl of sound and motion.

Attaching her old arm for the first time. 

Smoke.

Trying and failing for weeks to use it.

Smoke.

The first time she successfully fired the crossbow.

Smoke.

Resuming sparring with Noa.

Smoke.

Stop. Please, no more, I…

The smoke froze, solidifying once more into shapes. This time, however, it felt different. The colors were more vibrant and unreal, and Kaelyn could hear a high-pitched whine in her ears, which she usually associated with a kettle ready for the pour.

She saw herself standing on the deck of the ship. It was entirely deserted but for herself, and she stood amidships in a simple nightgown with her long black hair free and blowing in the wind. Kaelyn felt a shiver down her spine as she looked at herself.

No. Not this.

She could hear disembodied voices booming on the waves. 

Her voice, arguing with Noa about the wisdom of taking the job from a vision he received from a small statue. 

Agner’s unctuous and slimy voice in her ear inquiring about her recent vocal discomfort with Noa’s leadership. Asking if she’d like to do anything about it.

Beryn’s voice pleading with her to abandon her neutrality and pick a side in the coming mutiny. To help Noa.

Lucy’s voice begging her to join her in leaving the crew forever the next time they made port. To make a life with her away from this mess.

On and on, the voices swirled. Yet her younger self merely stood stoically on the ship's deck, staring placidly out at the sparkling sea.

Always my jailer. Never my liberator.

Kaelyn remembered this sensation viscerally. She experienced it while in the thrall of the monster controlling the totem. A prison for her mind, trapping her on the ship with all her bad memories and regrets, personified in the sea itself. 

Always my jailer.

Then, there was a whisper on the waves. It had a different quality to it than the booming remonstrations of regret. Quieter, more subtle. And yet it rocketed to her ears as clearly as if shouted.

“No. This is not my end.”

She felt, rather than saw, her younger self on the deck stiffen. The whisper came again, more insistently. It was Kaelyn’s own voice, quiet and strong.

“The sea has never held me before. It will not hold me now.”

Kaelyn examined her younger face. There was a light behind her eyes now. Her expression was still stoic, but occasionally a muscle twitched.

“The sea has never held me before. It will not hold me now.”

Her younger self blinked, turning her head to the right and the left. Her lips parted slightly as breath rushed in. Then she spoke, her voice mixing with the disembodied whisper in a mantra.

“The sea has never held me before. It will not hold me now.”

Kaelyn, floating helplessly alongside her younger self, added her tearful screams to the mix. She knew she couldn’t affect what she was watching, but it didn’t matter. She was compelled to join in. 

“The sea has never held me before. It will not hold me now!”

With that, the scene switched hard - not like the ghostly, smoky swirls it had been previously. This time, Kaelyn experienced the instantaneous shift the way she remembered experiencing it back then. One moment, she was standing in tranquility on the ship's prison in her mind; the next, she was messy and dirty, in ragged clothes, panting heavily in a darkened treasure room.

Kaelyn saw her younger self peering around in a panic, trying to make sense of her location. She wanted to call out to herself.

There. The amulet is right there. Grab it!

As she knew she would, younger Kaelyn did manage to find the amulet - Kaelyn had never known its name or where it came from, only that it allowed the wearer to transcend planes of existence one time - and thrust it around her neck, just before doubling over in pain as a screech filled her mind. A bestial voice, not of this world, filled her mind, bombarding her psychically:

“Noooo, you ssssshall not essssscape meeee…”

“Fuck you, monster,” the younger Kaelyn spat, and then she disappeared.

Once again, the scene switched immediately as she watched. One moment, she was in the darkened treasure room, and the next, she was blinking in soft, lavender-tinted sunlight. Her head swiveled as she peered around in wonder, and older Kaelyn also took in the environment.

The Fey Wild. It’s been a while.

She watched her younger self stare, transfixed, at a waterfall flowing upwards. She ran her fingers through some flowers, which all giggled shyly and bashfully hid their blooms from her. Kaelyn saw the wonder on her face and felt a chill.

I remember…

She turned slowly on the spot. Sure enough, mere yards away, it prowled. It hunted. It stalked her, and her young, foolish self had no idea.

Please look. PLEASE LOOK. PLEASE LOOK.

When the displacer beast struck, younger Kaelyn never even saw it. The only reason she survived the initial encounter was thanks to the immediate intervention of another unseen force, which had thankfully been hunting the displacer beast. She sighed as she stared into the angular, asymmetrical face of the Archfey, Thelis.

This fucking guy.

“More careful should you be, tricksie dee,” he giggled, waggling his fingers at her even as the displacer beast’s body was still twitching. 

“I…oh gods…” younger Kaelyn was spluttering as she spun on the spot, staring in horror at a dead monstrosity on the ground, the likes of which she’d never imagined. “How…who are you?”

“So rude are you, a hoodily doo. Who am I, cerulean sky? Who are you, toodily shrew?”

“I…I am Kaelyn. I’m lost, I…I was…”

“The material plane, emgobbildy glain, is endless torment, torture, and pain. From thence come you, beanskoppingly soo, and in need of help, beseechingly too?”

As if struggling to understand, younger Kaelyn goggled bemusedly at the strange creature. 

“I…uh, yes, please?”

The manic hysteria melted away from the Archfey as it dropped its act like a wedding veil.

“Fine, whatever. Come on, then.”

So Kaelyn watched herself disappear into the strange, alien underbrush in pursuit of her new ally. Even as the scene began to dissolve into smoke, she understood on some subconscious level that she’d not be proceeding any further down memory lane from this point. She’d learned much of hunting, tracking, and survival during the three years she’d spent in the Fey Wild, and she’d learned her way around rudimentary magic, too. However, none of that had much to do with her regrets and memories revolving around her arm, and she sensed somehow that the arm was really what this sojourn had been about. 

Unless one counts my shock at learning that only about six months passed here in the material plane while I was in the Fey Wild, that is.

Presently, she found herself back in her body on the foot of the bed in Arveen’s room. Her breath came in great, shuddering gasps as she leaned her head back against the wall. This time, she didn’t bother to dam the flow of tears. She let them come, relishing the pain of the memories and regrets. They were a part of her, but they did not define her. She was no longer a prisoner of her past.

The sea has never held me before. It will not hold me now.

It could’ve been moments, or it could’ve been hours. She wasn’t sure at this point. But eventually, she became dimly aware of the sound of grunts and growls outside the window. She stood slowly and walked over to examine the scene below.

Flint, it transpired, was wrestling with…a polar bear?

Ah. Hélian can polymorph, that’s right.

She watched briefly, an amused smile threatening to appear at the corners of her mouth. Then, she held up her new arm and examined it. As she focused on it, one of the fingers twitched slightly, and her eyes widened.

Curiouser and curiouser.

For practice, she engaged the small trigger mechanism and felt the pleasing, instantaneous gratification of the small hand crossbow leaping hungrily to her mechanical hand. It shone with a dim purple energy, which focused into a bolt of energy sitting in the loaded crossbow, awaiting firing. She grinned mischievously.

Alright, then. Let’s see what this thing can do.